Im happy but there is a heavy feeling of sadness in my heart that I just can't remove. Why am I like this?

What I am trying to say is that when you stop trying to change yourself into something you are not, you give yourself the gift of discovering yourself as you already are.

Be who you already are.

And the sadness?

Key moments from the third week of Sean ‘Diddy’ Combs’ sex trafficking trial - AP News

When I stopped trying to force myself to be something I am not, I gave myself the freedom of being who I am.

It’s still here.

The sadness was still there.

How can parents identify and address early signs of racial bias in young children?

I was tired of trying and failing.

Needless to say, my failed attempts to fix my sadness simply brought me more pain and suffering.

Now, this may sound like a story of failure and giving up, but it’s actually a story of liberation.

Why do atheists not love a G-d that does not stop punishing them harder and harder in this world and the next until they surrender to Him?

You are like me, then.

It’s impossible to overstate the freedom and peace I discovered, and I realized the only one who had been keeping those from me was… me and my imagined standards and expectations for how I had imagined I should be.

It’s here now, writing to you.

Is the Trump-Zelenskyy meeting a preview of what the US is going to do to Taiwan?

What most people don’t know unless they’ve looked more closely is that there is also an element of deep, profound sadness that has always been with me since as long as I can remember.

Without resistance, sadness has a sense of beauty and depth I cannot find otherwise in life.

Your job is not to be the manager of your life, but the one who discovers yourself fully.

A runway under construction at Newark's beleaguered airport reopens early - NPR

But unlike before, there is no more resistance to the sadness.

It wasn’t until about 10 years ago that I finally fell out of that ferris wheel of trying and failing to fix myself.

It’s the most beautiful and liberating thing in the world.

What are examples of real life forced feminization?

But no matter what I read or practiced, I could never make the sadness budge for longer than a few fleeting moments - and even then, it was likely due to me being distracted from the sensation of sadness rather than anything actually shifting.

Most people that know me would probably describe me as a social, happy, and somewhat quirky person with a twisted sense of humor.

I was tired of fighting.

Uh-Oh! Switch 2's New GameChat Feature Is Transcribing Bad Words - Nintendo Life

For much of my adult life, I interpreted this sadness as something being wrong - with either myself or my life in general.

In the absence of a should, I was free to be as I am.

It’s difficult to put into words exactly what caused what, but to the best of my ability to describe it, I felt as if my will to keep fighting was beaten right out of me.

Hallucinogens Linked to Milder PTSD - Neuroscience News

This interpretation lead me on a path of self improvement, to fix what I considered to be “wrong” with myself.

So if you are sad - like me - then be sad.

I had run out of hope.

Practice Report: Takeaways From Start of Second Week of OTAs - Baltimore Ravens

You are the masterpiece you came here to discover.

So I finally threw my hands up and said something to the tune of “fuck it, since I can't seem to change, I’ll just be whatever I am then.”